


"Perhaps not to be is to be without your being."

by thesunmetmoon



Series: One Hundred Love Sonnets [5]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22860907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunmetmoon/pseuds/thesunmetmoon
Summary: Without, in the end, your being, your comingsuddenly, inspiringly, to know my life.—On Wonwoo’s defense, he did not know his ex would come too.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Jeon Wonwoo
Series: One Hundred Love Sonnets [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1310171
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	"Perhaps not to be is to be without your being."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. This is the fifth fic for my compilation of short stories I wrote on Twitter. I hope there is no heavy mistake since this is not beta-ed as always. Title is from Pablo Neruda's One Hundred Love Sonnets: LXIX. Please enjoy.

“Please, Won-ah?”

The said man groaned at the memory of Soonyoung’s plea. He knew he had made a wrong choice by going out tonight with his longtime friends. It was all a big mistake. He should not have agreed at the first place, no matter what Soonyoung threw as the bait (he had promised Wonwoo five coupons for free iced coffee and what’s there for him to say ‘no’ for? If only he knew better, though…).

On Wonwoo’s defense, he did not know his ex would come too.

Sure, they’re in the same circle of friends. They even started going out for the same reason, that being ‘just friends’ weren’t enough anymore for them (and because all of their other friends were going out, so yeah, ‘ _singles stick together_ ’, they said, _whatever_ ). Still, seeing the person you used to date, sitting there, drinking and laughing among the familiar faces leisurely, as if those times when you two were together did not even happen, brought a strange uneasiness, which Wonwoo managed to hide under the pretense of chugging glasses of beer and tapping his phone away. Hopefully.

When their small party eventually died down, much to a hopeful Wonwoo as he was all ready to jump from his seat to say goodbye, his best friend (slash, now, his mortal enemy) Soonyoung had to drop the final bomb before leaving.

“He’s practically dead to the world, Won-ah. We can’t just leave him here, not in his current state.”

“Then _you_ help him.”

“Trust me, I want to. But Jihoon is also dead to the world, so his priority comes first,” Soonyoung folded his arms defensively.

“So you pick your boyfriend over your friend? Wow, he’s gonna be _so_ happy knowing this later on,” he put on that Jeon’s specialty (read: _annoying_ ) smile.

“ _Hey!_ ” Soonyoung raised his voice as a warning for Wonwoo to not cross the line. “He’s _your_ ex, not mine. If you want to leave him there alone, being a pretty prey for drunk predators around, then so be it. I’m so done with you two.” That said, he walked away without looking back. Wonwoo watched him prompting Jihoon gently to stand up. Then, he shifted his gaze to meet a giggling, sleepy, heavily drunk face he once was sure so in love with.

Wonwoo sighed. Worst decision indeed.

* * *

Cool breeze hit his face, made him shivered and awaken in a bad shape. Eyelashes fluttered open upon the indication that he’s currently being outdoor, not tucked safely beneath his warm blanket as usual. “Hmm…cold…,” he mumbled.

“Oh, you’re awake?”

Jisoo couldn’t help but blinked, ever so slowly, while his mind registering the occurrence of another body against his own, “...Why is Wonu under me?”

“ _Yah_!” the man clicked his tongue. “If you know you’re a lightweight, then don’t let Cheol-hyung push you to drink too much! Can you not having fun without being a burden to someone?!”

“Oh. It talks. It must be a dream, right..?” not listening, Jisoo pinched Wonwoo’s cheek instead.

“ _YAH!_ ”

“Oh? You’re real?”

“What’re you doing?! Pinch your own cheek!”

“This must be a dream then,” Jisoo laughed before letting his body slumped back onto Wonwoo’s. Both his arms were wrapped securely around the latter’s neck, a warm shelter from the chilly night. “Yeah…what a good dream, cos Wonu can’t be under me…he hates me…”

Jisoo’s words froze him on the spot.

“Wonu hates me…”

It’s like a careless whisper carried by the winter wind. A message that should not be delivered to the person it was intended to, yet, under the influence of alcohol, Jisoo straightly did.

“I don’t-“

“I MEAN, WHO THE _HELL_ DOES HE THINK HE IS?!”

Eyes widened, the sudden anger bursting startled the younger man. Jisoo’s arms tightened around his neck. He feared to be choked to death by those delicate, yet powerful hands.

"HE RIPPED ME OFF ALL OF MY FIRSTS, PROMISING EVERYTHING TO ME, AND FOR WHAT? FOR FOUR YEARS LATER SAYING WE'VE GONE COLD AND WE HAVE TO BREAK UP FOR GOOD?? WHAT THE _F-U-C-K_???"

"J-Joshua-! Sssh!!"

" **HE EVEN TOOK MY VIRGINITY, GODDAMMIT JEON WONWOO!!** "

Wonwoo did not know he could go even redder than this. His head spun around abruptly, praying no other humans were within their earshot ( _thankfully!_ ), before he tried to calm the drunkard on his back.

“Joshua! Shut up and calm down! It’s not like that-“

“BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, STRANGER?” he hiccuped. “IT’S EVEN MORE STUPID OF ME FOR TRUSTING HIM!” The older laughed in sheer joy as he hit repeatedly, ignoring the painful wince coming from the other. “....Stupid, isn't it? I believed him. I've always believed him. But he didn't. One night out with Hannie and he instantly broke up with me. How stupid....”

A heavy lump felt in his throat. Wonwoo found it's harder to breathe by now. Though, Jisoo's punches on him only grew harder. It started to get painful.

"Ouch! Stop hitting me! Listen, Joshua, I-"

"YOU STUPID, STUPID, JEON WONWOO, YOU FUCKING STUPID CURLY FUCKER-!!"

" _YAH!!_ "

A slip.

"Wha-"

Things just kept getting worse. Wonwoo's foot slipped and they were rolling down the side of Han River, bodies tangling and, in the end, both lied spread on the grass. It was a quiet, fresh night, a good time to die by cold, to be honest. Jisoo laughed. He laughed and laughed. Like a mad man. Wonwoo did not follow him for he knew this laughter wouldn’t take long. Soon, it would be replaced by a sobbing. Jisoo was always like that. He had the worst coping mechanism.

And he was right.

"....I loved you, Wonu..."

It was so soft, almost breathy. But it sent the hardest pang directly to his heart. The younger one looked up to the night sky. Stars were twinkling pretty tonight, just like how the eyes of the man beside him used to be when he saw him for the first time a long time ago. The very eyes he once adored with all of his heart.

"What happened to us....?"

Jisoo pulled his limbs to hug himself in a fetal position, trying to save his fragile side from the harsh reality. Once, he always had Wonwoo to help him. Now, he only had himself.

Wonwoo sighed. ‘ _I loved you too_...’, he wanted to convey it to Jisoo, but the man was drunk and surely wouldn't remember this night. The night they collapsed on the field of grass by the Han River to, once again, try to rekindle their relationship, as if God was strangely kind enough today.

But maybe.

Maybe it was just the regret talking.

Maybe this was the chance they were given to.

Not to go back, but to move forward.

_Maybe._

As Jisoo crying himself to sleep, Wonwoo lied there still, counting the stars with each of their memories together. That time when Jisoo blushed as he gave him their first kiss. That time he smiled seeing his birthday present. That time he welcomed him back from a long, exhausting day...Those were all happy memories and he was glad it was with Jisoo all along.

Wonwoo smiled bitterly, "Perhaps it was meant to be..."

_Goodbye, my love_.


End file.
